School Update

So . . . I passed all of my classes, with pretty decent grades, too. I was getting pretty stressed about my Math class and I just barely (and I mean barely) passed, but I passed so I am happy. I have to say that my biology class (with Dr. Heath Ogden) was one of the best classes I've taken since I started school 3 years ago. I loved it and learned a lot! Also, he will be helping me with a paper on evolution and the Mormon version of the creation, so that's good. I'm going to be honest and say that my Aesthetics class was a joke. Not because of the teacher, or assignments, I just think the whole subject is not for me. I cannot begin to care what different philosophers think in regards to art and beauty. I mostly disagree'd with most of the essays and just felt as though the whole subject was heavy handed and over bearing. I did good in the class, but boy I did not enjoy it. The only other thing I had was a bio-lab which was fine. I enjoyed it.

This coming semester I am taking Microbiology, Phil 205G (Which is a joke as I've already taken 2050, but this is required for some other random requirement that I need), Quantitative Reasoning (Which is just Math 1050, but sounds more advanced, Haha), and a Yoga class, Power Yoga to be more precise. Oh, and as apart of Microbiology I am taking a lab with it.

In the summer I will be taking Chem 1 and Organic Chem. Ugh. I am really terrified of these classes, but I am taking them during the summer so the classes are over with faster and I can only focus on the one subject in stead of several at a time. If I took one in the fall I think I'd be pushing too hard. Because in the fall I plan on taking College Bio II, Biotech, Genetics, and something else, and adding Chem on top of that sounds like a version of Hell I don't think I would ever want to encounter.

Oh, good ol' school.

Oh, and a shout out to Jaron who passed his Chemistry class!! I hope you remember it by the summer so you can help me.

New Years Resolutions

This year I did really good with my goals. I read more than 25 books throughout the year, I biked most of the year and stopped drinking soda. I am going to carry these goals over to the next year. I want to keep working on my biking and being healthy. These goals are:

Ride my bike to work and/or school every dry day.
Drink no soda.
Read 25 books.

However, I am going to set some new goals for the coming year. They are going to be hard. In fact after thinking about this for a month or two, I've decided to make twelve monthly goals. One major goal a month. A lot of them are just to see if I can do it and to see if I can better myself from them. Many are meant to grow spiritually, but also to just grow as a better person. Some are easy and some are hard. So, here they are, my twelve goals for 2012:

January: Eat no meat. I'm going to try and become a vegetarian for an entire month. This one will be one of the hardest, I think.
February: Ramadan. OK, this will probably be the hardest. That is why I picked the shortest month. Ramadan is a month in where I will fast every day while the sun is up and eat when it is down... Should be interesting.
March: Be in bed by 9:30 pm every night. This will be harder than I think.
April: Do all shopping at small businesses.
May: Recycle everything that can be recycled. Hopefully, this one will continue on.
June: No surfing the web and no T.V. (I would say no computer, but I'll be in school and will need it for that, however, the important thing is no entertainment from those sources).
July: Listen to only classical music.
August: Read the New Testament.
September: Consume no sugar. This one will be difficult, and I'll probably need to set some parameters because so much stuff has sugar, It'll probably be no candy, drinks junk food, etc.
October: Meditate 20-30 minutes a day. This may not seem so bad, but true meditation is really hard. Just can't clear my head.
November: Write a 50,000 word novel for NaNoWriMo. Also, say a pray of thanksgiving everyday.
December: Read Jesus the Christ and the Christmas story. I need to focus on the meaning and cause of Christmas, and so, I am hoping this will help.

Hopefully I can do them all. Should be interesting and hard, but I think worth it.                

Biking and Tea

So in the middle of the summer (end of June), noticing that I was gaining some weight, (probably from sitting at a computer most of the day at work and not eating great) I set some goals to be more healthy. The first thing I did was to get a bike. I was determined to bike to work and back (and to school when it started). This would be 18 miles a day, and 22-26 during school. This was my biggest goal and first, so others didn't really come until I was getting use to this. It took about 2 weeks to get the motivation up to bike every morning at 4:15am, to get to work by 5, but buy July 1st I was biking every day and loving it. I was also determined to bike through the winter (not on "wet" days, but when the roads were dry I would). I think this has been a huge challenge, but everyday that I bike (which really is every dry day, I'm determined) I feel great and never regret it. I'm really getting back into biking and am going to be entering some races next year. (For those of you who don't know I use to do a lot of Downhill, Mountain Cross and Dirt Jumping biking when I was younger).

(This is my bike at UVU).

My next goal was to eat more healthy and I think, starting out, I tried diets or counting calories, but none of it worked for me. I did a lot of research at this point in what is health, or good things to eat. I think, through all of this I slowly just got into the mindset of eating healthy. Not dieting or counting anything but just making healthy food choices. I'm lenient with it, also. I'll eat unhealthy things occasionally or with other people, but mentally choosing to eat better helped more than anything else.


Finally, I wanted to give up soda. Not caffeine, but ALL soda. I think this is one of the hardest things I've struggled with. Ever since I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis and Pyoderma Gangrenosum my doctors have told me to stop drinking soda. I did for about 6 months, but feeling as if it wasn't really helping I started drinking it again. From July until about the end of September I went on and off again trying to stop drinking it. Finally, with grand inspiration one night I decided to replace all soda with tea. I had been doing research on health stuff and came across and article on tea's, specifically green tea. That night I decided to give up soda (again) and drink tea in its place. I stick with herbal teas, although, I think green tea is fine too, (in regards to the Word of Wisdom), but there is more variety in herbal teas. So I have 4 boxes of different types of tea at work, and some at home as well. So far it seems to be working wonderfully. I really enjoy going to the store and getting different types and flavors of tea and trying them all. 

(A cup of acai tea at work).

All in all, I feel great. I've lost over 25 lbs., but am now staying at an even 180 lbs as I've been building quite a bit of muscle from the biking. My waist size has has gone from a 33 bordering on 34 to a 31 bordering on a 30. I think one of the greatest days was when I had to move a notch up on my belt. I am feeling more healthy and more energetic, but also (I think this is a bonus) I can sleep almost instantly whenever and wherever I want).

Books

This year I actually set a new years resolution. This is something I usually never do because I'm just a bad goal setter. However, I decided on one goal that I thought would be challenging but obtainable. It was to read 25 books that year. I usually try to read as much as possible, but with full time school, full time job, a part time job and two kids, it's a little more difficult. But I decided to set it. 25 books, 1 year.

Well, I am pleased to announce that I did not only reach my goal, I surpassed it in reaching 32 books (It may become 33 as I am hoping to finish another book soon). I am pretty impressed. The books have been great and many of which have helped me grow and I'd recommend many to friends and family. There is a list on the side of the blog, but I'm going to put it up here as well with one sentence about each:

01. To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis -- Truly a funny and clever time travel book.  

02. Time by Eva Hoffman -- Discussion on times effect on individuals and how we perceive it.

03. Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson -- A great cyberpunk story about a virus infecting peoples brains.

04. Billions and Billions by Carl Sagan -- His thoughts on science, global warming, and the importance of environment.

05. The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Robert A. Heinlein -- This is how society should start a revolution.

06. The Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss -- Not as good as his first. Too bad.

07. Cosmos by Carl Sagan -- Basically everything he says on his show 'Cosmos' written down, with some changes. 

08. The Forever War by Joe Haldeman -- Shows how war over light years can effect someone, and the stupidity of war.

09. Doctor Who and Philosophy by Lewis & Smithka -- How can you not want to read this?

10. Rendezvous With Rama by Arthur C. Clark -- Human kinds first encounter with aliens who completely ignore us.

11. Science Fiction and Philosophy by Susan Schneider -- Again, how could you not?

12. The Internet is a Playground by Davide Thorne -- The posts from internet troublemaker, Thorne, from 27bslash6.com.

13. The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut -- One of the best passages about freedom I've ever read.

14. In Search of Time by Dan Falk -- The philosophy, physics and history of time and I learned so much from this.

15. A Short Stay in Hell by Steven L. Peck -- the most chilling book that will make you look at eternity in a very new way.

16. The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi -- Probably not worthy of a Hugo award, not horrible . . . just nothing happened.

17. Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone by J.K. Rowling -- Second time reading and it was amazing.

18. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling -- Third time reading and references stuff in book five.

19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling -- Third time and the Quidich final made me want to cheer!

20. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fireby J.K. Rowling -- Second time and I hate that Harry and Ron fight.

21. The Diamond Age by Neal Stephenson -- Not his best. A bit slow and dry.

22. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling -- Second time reading and it sucks that Sirius died.

23. Discourses in Mormon Theology by McLaughlan & Ericson -- I love theology and so I loved reading this.

24. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling -- Third time reading and it was so exciting.

25. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling -- Third time reading and I was bummed it was all over again.

26. Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein -- Great interpretation of love and brotherhood, "Thou art God."

27. At the Mountains of Madness by H.P. Lovecraft -- Chilling in the details.

28. War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells -- Not as good as I remembered and so that was a bit sad.

29. The Help by Kathryn Stockett -- I loved this and its boldness as well as its great description of the 60's.

30. Reamde by Neal Stephenson -- If you're into thrillers, (which I am not) you'll love this.

31. Origin of Species by Charles Darwin -- Had to reread this for biology class, it's such an influential and important book.
32. Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman -- A wonderful adventure wit that same wonder that Harry Potter brings.
33. The Scholar of Moab -- An amazing story tying stories of four different people together, through Hyrum's search for scholarship.

I am also currently reading, (there's usually a few because I have one at work, one at home and one in my bag and so I read them depending on where I am):

01. Dune by Frank Hebert

I also finished my time travel book, Pillar of Salt and am re-editing What Are They to God? (formally know as God's Consciousness, which was formally known as Sad Robot). And I have written about 10 new short stories. One of which got an honorable mention from the Writers of the Future contest. That was big.

And here is a pic of my book shelf, severely depleted in books in an attempt to cluttered. (Sorry, it was taken with my phone so the quality is pretty bad).

Finals

Ugh.

It is the week before finals and only on day 2 and my brain hurts. I have been constantly practicing my math, studying biology and working on a 15 page paper for Aesthetics. Not to mention the homework due tomorrow and Friday. For that I need to read 4 chapters of The Origin of Species (which I've actually been enjoying), and write a discussion on 2 of the chapters, take 2 Bio quizzes, and do 4 homework assignments. My Bio Lab Final is suppose to be hard as well and I've been studying that today. (In between looking up scholarly articles for my paper on Dewey's, Art as Experience, and trying to figure out how to take up fifteen pages on a mediocre subject).

Here is my studying paper for my Bio Lab:

Pillar of Salt -- Some Unfiltered Thoughts on God

I am looking out the window at my work as the sun rises. I can't see the sun but can only see it's light hitting the golf course just out side. I feel like, although I've worked here for a year and a half, I have never look like it does now. To the north, up near where I live there are grey clouds. All low to the ground. The orange sun reflects and lightens a tree near the window and the back drop of grey is breath-taking. There are buildings of red brick that shine with such a deep orange I feel like I've never seen them before. And maybe I haven't. Maybe there are a lot of things I haven't seen before.

I wonder often who God is. What is his relationship to us? Does he laugh at me when I do something dumb like not un-clipping my bike pedals and fall in the driveway as I try to step off my clipless pedals? It's funny to me. Does he sometimes look at sunrises, sunrises that he has seen over and over all throughout this universe and still, sometimes, look at it with such new eyes? Or is he beyond that? Is God jaded? After seeing super novae, and blackholes a simple sunset couldn't be as beautiful or awe inspiring? What is it that keeps him going? Is it learning? Growing? Us? I have a hard time believing that it would be us.

 Love is strong, I work two jobs (one full time) and go to school full time for my family whom I love. I love them more than anything. But does that mean that I am happy at work? I would gladly quit and go to school full-er time, if I could. But I can't. Does God sometimes, when seeing the pain in the world feel such sorrow that he wishes he could leave?

Who is God that he should magnify man?

I've grown beyond questioning these things. I feel one thing, I feel that he is a father figure to me. It's hard to be close to him like I am to my own Dad, but still, I can feel that it is there. I can feel that he cares for me and have felt it deep within me in times when I've asked or have needed to hear it. But who is he? Who am I to him? Am I one of billions? of trillions? How could i be special with a daunting number as that? What could make me special? All I am in all this vastness of eternity is a speck on a pale blue dot.

I named this blog for these reasons. Perhaps it was because at the time, over a year ago, I wan't too comfortable with questioning the very nature of God. I compared my self to Lots wife, looking back to that place where all their friends and possessions were and doubted or questioned for only a second. There are somethings that I questions that I don't think there is an answer to. There can't be, because we are all different and I can't believe there is only one road to God. I can't believe the straight and narrow is only one direction in which we line up one by one and walk. It must be different. God is a father and will do all he can to help us and be with us.

I think this is a secret beyond so many others. God needs us. And God wants us to be with him. I think we're lucky. I think we are luckier than we could ever know. And I think there are some among us (maybe me) that take advantage of what luck we feel we understand. Or maybe we disregard this, telling our selves that we need to follow the letter of the law to exactness. That leaders of the church are never wrong and that all answers to life are found in the scriptures. I think we can understand God through the leaders and scriptures. But I think we need to look outward.

I think God still, occasionally, see's a sunset or sunrise and smiles. I think he, like us, needs something simple like that to remind him of some kind of beauty. Some type of beginning or ending. I think that if he saw me fall in my drive way he laughed. He laughed that I forgot to do something so simple and routine as un-clipping my shoes.  He laughed at my shock or surprise. And he laughed at me while I too laughed at me.

Mistakes

Why is it that people make mistakes?  In my life I have done so many things I regret. Many I have not admitted for shame and fear. I watched, because of anger at the mission, the fourth Harry Potter with my companion, on my mission. It may not seem like a big thing now, and admittedly, it isn't. But while on my mission I felt a great sense of shame because of that one simple thing. When I was eight or nine my brother and I made fires in the woods, threw trash in rivers and broke windows, all mistakes, all because we were being children and were trying to figure things out. I've lied to my parents and friends, needlessly grown upset at my wife and kids, and crashed my parents van. I once stole a crystal-like thing while in elementary school and sense then have never stolen again. And through these experiences and many other like them I have learned something on what it means to be human. 

I don't write these things as some form of penance, but merely because I feel that most everyone is going to have the same experiences. People grow and learn and mistakes push us to learn in ways uncomfortable, but most likely are the most effective. I feel as is a mistake can be categorized more along the lines of repeated folly rather than one accident.  How is it that we so willfully are blind to our reactions to others? There are times when I am upset with my wife, or am struggling with my kids not wanting to go to bed when something carnal in me wants out. I think it is this was for everyone and part of being human is learning to overcome those things. To overcome those urges and grow from them. When they succeed in escaping my soul, my humanity can feel it. Like some creeping thing worming its way to my skin. Why do I let this happen?

Maybe that is another part of being humane, or rather, being ethical, moral. Seeing the worse we can become, having even a small taste and coming away from it a whole, and still good, person. You see a version of yourself, something ancient, something easy and still choose the higher road.

In this we should be proud of our mistakes. Take joy that it is a mistake and that we have come back from it to recognize it as such. We are beings of mistakes. They build and enlighten us as long as we allow them to. Never forget this.

I love my kids and my wife and family and friends. They are important to me. I think of things I've done and still, years and years later I regret them. I drug my little brother, Nate, out of my room where me and some friends (his included) were hanging out. It was my room and I didn't want him in there. Why? I don't know. I may never know. But I did it. I have felt so sorry for that, but through it, and others, I have learned to be more loving and patient and accepting of others. Once, through excitement I grabbed my wife in a bear hug, while she was pregnant, and lifted her off the ground. I cannot express the sorrow I felt in being so careless as to jeopardize the health of that 7 month embryo. I still regret it. 

I am still unsure as to why I am admitting these things. Maybe it is to prove a point. Most of you reading this know my, and most of you have probably not known about most of these. (Maybe except the fire one, that ones pretty popular). I am a man of mistakes, but through them I have not become a bad person, or an immoral man. I feel that I am a pretty good person, trying my hardest to overcome any hard things, (mistakes or challenges), and trying to find joy in life that is worth celebrating and remembering. Nate and I are close. Extremely close. The same goes for all of my family. We all get along all the time. I've seen many families that don't but we are not one of them. I love my kids and I do everything I can for them. I am patient and loving towards my wife. I love her and will always love her. I do not steal, I help others, strangers, when I can, and I do not catch forests of fire. These and many other things are a result of  my mistakes. 

Take joy in them--in over coming them--I am trying.